Let’s get straight to the point: the title on your LinkedIn profile, the fancy office, the power you hold, the admiration of your peers means nothing! You, the real you, is not defined by any of it!
As a life coach, I’ve had the privilege of working with individuals who are in the early stages of their careers, to middle managers, all the way to successful entrepreneurs. One common thread I’ve noticed is the deep-seated desire many have to achieve high ranking positions at work, to feel important, to sit at the proverbial “head of the table.” And more often than not, chasing this status and success leads to high levels of stress, burnout, depression and a sense of feeling empty and hollow, even after achieving parts of, or all of that the person desired. Why is this so?
While ambition can be a powerful motivator, this pursuit of status often distracts us from what truly matters. We lose sight of who we are and start identifying completely with the title we are chasing. This quickly becomes the singular focus of our own identity (or self), and if we fail in this pursuit of success, it translates into us failing totally and completely as an individual or human being.
The individuals self-worth gets entangled so deeply with the pursuit of a career title, that the other narratives of family, kids, health, etc., become dependent on this one factor being a success for the rest to follow. Some of the ways we fool ourselves is by saying things like: “I can attract the right partner if I have the status of…“, or “My kids can have a good life if I have the money from being…“, or “I can get the best personal training and be fit if I am this successful…“. While money or financial stability does lead to an easier life in most cases, it definitely does not and should not be a measure of the kind of person you are or your own self-worth!
Having the right partner, providing for your kids, taking care of your health are all important factors by themselves, but not when used as a reason or excuse to chase some inevitable job title. And herein lies the most important distinction and where my work as a Life Coach beings. Here I give you a simple 3-step process to use whenever you find yourself conflicted.
Step 1: Identify your real need
In my sessions, I implore my clients to introspect and I ask them this:
"If your job title, salary, and others’ opinions were taken away, what would make you feel truly successful and fulfilled in your work and life?"
Through this, we slowly start uncovering the layers of self-deception and social conditioning which dictate our lives. The typical reasons we find that dominate our decision making, which are backed by years of psychological research, are:
1. Social Validation: Society equates titles with success. When you say, “I’m a manager,” or “I run my own company,” people nod in admiration. We yearn for that validation, a pat on the back that says, “You’re doing great.”
2. Control and Power: High positions give an illusion of control. Control over decisions, people, and outcomes. Humans crave certainty and influence; being “in charge” feeds this craving.
3. Financial Security: Often, higher positions come with better pay and benefits. The desire for stability can morph into an endless chase for more, as we confuse income with happiness.
4. Self-Worth: Many tie their identity to their professional title. Without the “important” job, they feel lost or insignificant.
5. Fear of Falling Behind: In a competitive world, staying in the same role feels like failure. The fear of being outpaced drives people to aim higher, even if it’s not what they truly want.
Step 2: Challenge (and change) your perspective
Identifying the underlying psychological need that is driving us on a potentially harmful path is the first step. The next is to counter that need with something that makes sense to you. This is a very personal process as each individual have their own unique perspective and need to find their own reasons based on that perspective. Alternately, there needs to be a significant shift in the perspective for them to see things in a different way. Both these things can happen in a one-to-one setting with a Life Coach, therapist, or mentor. But let’s take a shot here and list some, slightly generic yet insightful counter arguments, which can challenge or help change a persons perspective:
1. Titles Are Just Words: No matter how impressive, a title doesn’t define your worth. People will forget your role, but they’ll remember how you made them feel. Leadership is about impact, not labels.
2. The Sacrifices Are Steep: High positions often demand long hours, high stress, and personal sacrifices. Ask yourself: is climbing higher worth missing out on time with loved ones, health, or peace of mind?
3. Success Is Subjective: True success isn’t measured by promotions but by how aligned your life is with your values. If a high position isn’t rooted in purpose, it will feel hollow.
4. The Trap of “Enough”: When you chase titles, you’re rarely satisfied. There’s always a bigger role, a higher salary, or another competitor to surpass. This never-ending race robs you of contentment.
5. Happiness Comes from Within: Studies show that happiness is rooted in relationships, personal growth, and meaning—not status or income. You can achieve profound satisfaction in a modest role if it aligns with your passions and values.
Step 3: Be true to your self, check-in often and pivot as necessary
Next step is to be more in touch with what it is that you personally desire. Not what the society expects from you, not your parents, family or friends. Instead of chasing titles, ask yourself these questions:
• Am I growing? Growth isn’t tied to promotions; it’s about learning and becoming better every day.
• Am I contributing? Focus on the impact you’re making, whether you’re an intern or a CEO.
• Am I connected? Meaningful relationships at work and in life matter more than climbing a hierarchy.
• Am I at peace? A job that drains your energy or compromises your values isn’t worth the prestige.
Based on the answers you get, check-in with yourself and see if you are doing the things which align with your true self. Be extremely honest with yourself and take the necessary actions, small or big, to build a life which reflects your true desires, without worrying about how others perceive it.
Letting go of the need for high positions can be liberating but at the same time, don’t underestimate the impact of even the smallest action which is in alignment with your true self. You don’t have to quit your job, leave a country or relationship. Small corrections in your life which align with your values have a big impact on your happiness and fulfillment.
So here we are…
The desire to feel important is natural—it’s part of being human. But chasing high positions as a way to fulfill that desire is a trap. True importance doesn’t come from titles or status; it comes from living a life aligned with your values, making a difference in ways that matter to you, and cherishing the relationships and moments that make life rich.
So the next time you find yourself yearning for that high position, pause and ask yourself: Will this truly make me happy? Or am I chasing an illusion? Chances are, the answer will guide you toward a more meaningful path.
Find Yourself 